Adapting Stress Management to Your Natural Bent

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Have you ever wished that disability-accommodation laws provided better for people with emotional and autism disorders that make frustration (even) harder to bear? Wouldn’t it be nice to have special checkout lines that guaranteed exemption from long waits, special customer service connections that fixed every glitch within five minutes, special cars that flew over blocked traffic?

Okay, I’m being a dreamer, and perhaps belittling the role of hardship in nurturing Christian growth. But some of us do have lower stress-endurance levels than average, and while you don’t have the right to always get your own way because of that, neither should you berate yourself for not being able to take the same level of stress as the person in the next apartment/cubicle/pew.

If we believe in God’s grace to accept us despite our weaknesses, we should also accept ourselves and work with those weaknesses, not against them. Part of Christian responsibility is being good to ourselves so we’ll be in good condition to do good works.

If you want to minimize your stress to ensure maximum personal effectiveness, plan your day/week/career/long-term goals with the following questions in mind:

  • Have I had any meltdowns or near-meltdowns in the past six months? If so, consider the circumstances that led to the meltdown (not just the incident that set you off, but whether you were already overstimulated or, conversely, bored), and plan on avoiding those circumstances in the future. This may mean shortening your to-do list, leaving more margin between appointments, asking for work that’s more creative/stimulating, or staying out of gripe sessions and associating with cheerful people. Or it may mean modifying your own expectations: no improvement or adjustment will ever satisfy you if you cling to “I have to be perfect” or “everything has to go right” attitudes.
  • Am I an introvert or an extrovert? If an introvert, put at least two hours of “alone time” in your daily schedule–and try not to work in customer service. If you’re an extrovert, reenergize yourself daily through work and leisure activities that involve lots of stimulation and human contact.
  • Do I prefer working by the task or by the hour? Arrange your schedule to accommodate these tendencies. Even if you’re a by-the-task type working a fixed-hours job, you can take your breaks at natural stopping points. And few employers object to your staying fifteen minutes past quitting time to finish up a task!
  • Would I describe my temperament as melancholy, easygoing, get-things-done, or bright-and-sunny? If you have a low-key temperament, keep your tasks list small and slow–you’ll make up for a lack of quantity with an increase in quality. If you’re the driven, high-energy type, stimulate yourself with a long, challenging to-do list. Whatever your temperament, work with it instead of trying to force yourself into a mold that suits someone else (and feeling guilty when you just don’t fit). And never, ever nag a “weaker brother,” or anyone with a different temperament, to become more like you–that only leaves two people stressed, angry, and frustrated.

Finally, feel free to pick, choose, and test stress-management tips from the experts according to what appeals to you. Not everyone is made for aerobic exercise and yoga, hot baths and social activities, protein-rich meals and herbal tea. Above all else, don’t copy anyone else’s approach just because that “someone else” seems to have it all together: God created you as a unique individual with unique responses, and it will only increase your frustration if you expect any guarantee of becoming “just like” anyone else. Besides, most people have stress issues you can’t see. That acquaintance who “has it all together” may be falling apart inside–and perhaps needs support you can deliver once you calm down and rediscover your effectiveness.

COMING SOON! My new e-book, 100 Ways to Live as an Optimist in a Pessimistic World, will be released this spring. Join the 100 Ways email list for up-to-date news, special offers, and teaser optimism tips!

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The Never-Ending List: Dangers of Idolatry in Everyday Responsibilities

When it comes to not overloading the to-do list and not trying to do everything in one’s own strength, my best qualification for offering advice is the old aphorism, “Those who can’t do, teach!” Oh, I’m willing enough to accept God’s strength for finishing each day’s tasks–so long as He doesn’t ask me to delay getting started, to interrupt anything before it’s finished, or to remove anything I’ve already decided belongs on the day’s list. I’m perfectly able, thank You very much, to lean on my own understanding when making those lists, and I’d appreciate it if You’d understand that I just want to get everything done that might possibly need doing and then have the bulk of the day (or the rest of my life) to myself.

A good corollary to the old saying would be, “Those who know better–still ‘do’!” Jeremiah said it even better: “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9, New International Version). Even when the “heart” (fleshly nature) in question is one’s own.

Well, if you other deceitful-hearted, frustrated, to-do-list-obsessed souls can take one more list, I offer these top 10 ideas for seeing the daily task grind in a different perspective, courtesy of the Holy Bible, New Living Translation. May those of us who teach eventually learn, by God’s grace, to “do”!

  1. God’s “grace is all you need. [His] power works best in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). When Paul wrote those words, he was recalling a time of serious frustration over some chronic problem–perhaps a crippling handicap that put a crimp in his former “doing speed”–that had taken up indefinite residence in his life. The answer he got to prayers for relief–that God wanted things that way so that Paul might never forget where his real strength came from–was probably exactly what he didn’t want to hear. When “the way things are” run contrary to the ease and efficiency we crave, we face a fork of decision: are we going to do things our way whether God likes it or not, or accept that He knows best whether we understand it or not? Paul opted for the latter, and eventually concluded, “Now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
  2. “God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them” (Romans 8:28). Like the preschooler facing a vaccination or a plate of healthy food “for your own good,” we may not quite believe it; sometimes, we may not even feel we love God very much if this is His idea of what we need! But for those He calls, the promise holds in all circumstances, whether the “everything” working for our good is a major tragedy or an online connection that freezes up just as we were about to send something barely in time for deadline.
  3. “Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world” (Psalm 46:10). The Hebrew phrase translated “Be still” literally means, “Let go, relax, stop working at nonstop pace.” The more we feel that the fate of the world rests on our shoulders, the greater our need to take a break, pause in God’s presence, and remember that the One Who governs the ultimate fate of all nations can still carry on if we go to bed without checking off every last item on today’s list.
  4. “He is the Potter, and he is certainly greater than you, the clay! … Does a jar ever say, ‘The potter who made me is stupid’?” (Isaiah 29:16). The source behind most of our frustration over foiled plans and out-of-control schedules, is the insane assumption that we, the creatures, know better than the Creator. While we may never have the audacity to say to Him outright, “Either You do it my way or I won’t do it Your way either,” we say it by implication every time we grumble over circumstances, refuse to consider altering what’s “already on the schedule” for any reason, or hit someone with the “I want what’s on the original list and I won’t tolerate any excuses!” line. The tantrum-and-guilt-trip routine may work with humans, but trying it on God only proves how foolish our pride really is.
  5. “What you ought to say is, ‘If the Lord wants us to, we will … do this or that'” (James 4:15). That one was aimed specifically at people who are overly confident in their own long-term plans, presumably made without consulting God. James reminds us that not so much as one day ahead comes with a money-back guarantee. It’s one thing to make a list of things we plan to do tomorrow–it’s another thing to ignore the possibility that God may surprise us with His own plans.
  6. “There is only one thing worth being concerned about” (Luke 10:42). That was what Jesus said to Martha when she complained, “my sister just sits here while I do all the work” (Luke 10:40). Martha was so hung up on serving the Lord by “doing,” she was practically ignoring the Lord Himself! The “one thing worth being concerned about” is to stay tuned to God’s guidance, whether hard at work or “just sitting” absorbed in worship–and paying attention to God is our best means of understanding which is needed at the moment, whether or not it’s officially “time” for it.
  7. “Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). A truly Christian attitude virtually precludes grumbling about anything, perhaps especially interruptions to our precious plans. Most of us develop instant tunnel vision when one little glitch annoys us: we can see nothing else, and the world as a whole is suddenly a major injustice created for the sole purpose of making us miserable. We may well delight in misery if clinging to an “unfair” opinion reinforces our foolish pride. If we prefer to experience Christian joy, we have to turn our eyes to all we have to be thankful for.
  8. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done” (Philippians 4:6). On some level, we are always aware that our schedules could be interrupted or our plans spoiled; hence, if “things going right” means everything to us, we are sending open invitations to anxiety. Note that “pray for what you need” does not mean “plead and whine desperately that you will get what your heart was already set on”; God still makes the final decision on what you really need, and adding thanksgiving to our requests is an essential part of remembering that–and forgoing bitterness when a request is met with a “no.”
  9. “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the LORD. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope'” (Jeremiah 29:11). Before we develop a “prosperity gospel” attitude toward this promise, we do well to read it in the full context of Jeremiah 29, which says in effect, “I’ll take care of you during the waiting period, but it’ll be two generations and then some before things are ready for the whole of what you really want!” That news–or not having the faintest clue whether the wait will be seven days or seventy years–can seem “disaster” in itself to those of us who like everything neatly laid out step-by-step and scheduled to the hour. Remember, faith in God’s good plan includes accepting His good timing.
  10. “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns” (Philippians 1:6). If God Himself plans to “finish” His work only when all things are brought to final consummation, who are we to demand the right to finish everything today, tomorrow, or next year? Concentrate on your responsibility of the moment–even if it’s not what you expected–and rather than trying to rush results, be thankful for what we have to look forward to.

Be strong in the Lord and His perfect schedule!

  • A blog for naturally melancholy Christians tired of being told to "snap out of it"; for Christians who struggle with mental-health issues and long for assurance God delights in them nonetheless; and for naturally optimistic Christians who want to understand their "gloomy" loved ones.

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  • About Me

    I am the go-to writer for people with tough stress issues and special emotional needs—and for those who love them, organizations that serve them, and anyone who just wants to better understand the world of mental/emotional struggles. Or who just wants to pick up some good stress-management tips! Visit my main website at www.PositiveContentFactory.com.

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    Bible quotes used in this blog are from the New Living Translation or the New International Version (1984). See http://www.biblegateway.com/ for copyright details.
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