How to Find Good Christian Friends—And Be One

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Even the most introverted among us need our friends. And what better place to find friends than in the family of Christ?

However: if, like me, you have autistic tendencies; or if you grew up in a negligent situation or with your sense of entitlement unchecked—your ability to make friends may be handicapped by thinking too much about yourself and your perceived needs. You wouldn’t be anxious to stay friends with someone who always had to have their way, or who was endlessly needy or fishing for assurances. And if that describes you, better change your habits before you do any more “nobody really cares about me” moaning.

Friendships Have Their Give and Take

The person who is all “give” isn’t any happier in her friendships than the one who’s all “take.” Even where one party has more resources, it can’t become a matter of one always “taking care of” or “fixing things for” the other, or what you have is a guardian-dependent relationship, with inconvenience and hurt pride and festering resentment on both sides.

Are you doing your fair share in your friendships—and allowing your friends chances to reciprocate?

Friendship Grows Through Shared Interests

You have to get along with a wide variety of people, of course. But your closest friends should be people who genuinely enjoy the same things you enjoy. It doesn’t do much for a relationship if you never spend time together, or if one always goes along just because it’s what the other wants to do. That’s where “she always gets her way” resentments have their roots.

Are you joining (or looking for) your friends in settings where genuine mutual interests are nurtured?

A Friend Loves At All Times

Finally, a friend treats his friends according to the definition of love as given by the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 13:

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance (NLT).

Are you regularly asking God to grow a truly Christlike love for each other in you and your friends?

And if you still feel you don’t have any real friends? Talk with God about that, too, and ask Him to guide you to the right people and to help you approach them in the right way. While you’re at it, thank Him for being your truest Friend Who will never leave or forsake you!

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1 Comment

  1. Jo Swank

     /  April 13, 2019

    Amen! : )


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  • A blog for naturally melancholy Christians tired of being told to "snap out of it"; for Christians who struggle with mental-health issues and long for assurance God delights in them nonetheless; and for naturally optimistic Christians who want to understand their "gloomy" loved ones.

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    I am the go-to writer for people with tough stress issues and special emotional needs—and for those who love them, organizations that serve them, and anyone who just wants to better understand the world of mental/emotional struggles. Or who just wants to pick up some good stress-management tips! Visit my main website at

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